Spilt Ink and Parchment Hearts
by Frederick Grace
Summary: Light glints off the solid silver nib of the elegant peacock quill, as it scrawls elegantly across soft parchment, reflecting into grey eyes - storm clouds heavy with rain. Sirius left home - but does that mean he left his brother too? Set in Marauder Era
1. Apologies at Sunset

The sun is setting, filling the room with smudges of gold and flecks of primrose and amber light.

Light glints off the solid silver nib of the elegant peacock quill, as it scrawls elegantly across soft parchment.

The light catches on the wet ink, and it glistens in smears of black, like liquid obsidian.

Grey eyes shine - storm clouds heavy with rain.

The room is silent, but for the soft hoot of an owl, and the near silent breathing of the sole occupant of the room.

Rain drips down over the windowpane, sparkling like a thousand diamonds, casting warped rainbow shadows about the bedroom like a kaleidoscope.

And he writes on.

Passion is almost tangible as he sets his soul down in parchment and ink, the black swirls becoming words and thoughts, tiny gems of hope and wisdom scribed in jet black.

The pen moves fluidly, the words released from deep in his heart – bared to the world at last.

_My Dear Brother, Regulus._

_I know that I'm probably the last person in the world that you'd want to be writing to you – but there are several things I feel I need to explain, if you'd but give me a moment._

_Firstly, I am so, so sorry Regulus. I am deeply aware that those three words are never going to be enough – they will never repair what I have broken. But it's a start. And for some reason, even though they are often uttered without a care; when you really mean it with all your heart, those three words are the hardest to say. I am sorry. _

_I am sorry for abandoning you._

_I am sorry for leaving you behind._

_I am sorry for the part I have played in forcing you to take weary step after weary step down the path you have chosen for yourself._

_Most of all, Reggie, I am sorry for making you love me. _

_I know our family isn't really the loving sort of family. Blacks thrive on Slytherin impulses. Survival of the fittest. Holding your own interests highest in value. Keeping your heart as cold and guarded as the Ice Fortresses of the Arctic Prince. I am sorry for what I have put you through. If I hadn't loved you, if I hadn't made you love me back – then I am sure your suffering would be greatly reduced. If I could take back all those long childhood summers, where we would play together – all thoughts of Gryffindor and Slytherin left to the years to come - then I would. In a heartbeat. I would sacrifice all those memories which I value above all else, just to see your suffering end._

_Ah, Regulus. I know you must feel that I chose James over you, when I went to live with him, but that is not true. Not at all. I simply chose freedom. And I regret it, more than anything. I flew free of that cage, and left you to the snake pit. I left you behind. And I hate myself for it._

_I couldnt have stayed though. As much as I wish I was stronger, as much as I wish I could have sacrificed everything for you... I couldnt bear it any more! My family, they were supposed to love me! Thats why I was sorted in Gryffindor. Not because I wanted to rebel. Not for attention. Because my capacity for love is unsatisfied by a simple nod once a year when I dont fail my exams. _

_I'm not sure what else I can say._

_I'm not sure of what else I can do to try and make things better._

_I'm not really sure of anything anymore._

_But I'm not writing for sympathy, and this isn't a plea for forgiveness. This is an apology, a declaration of love I suppose. You are my brother, Regulus. You will always be my brother, whether I am disowned, whether you hate me for the rest of your life, whether or not we both survive this war. No matter what happens, I will always love you – I swear it. And if you believe nothing else I have written, I beg of you – believe me in that._

_Reggie, my little brother Reggie, I look back, and it seems like forever since I last held you close. It seems like forever since you looked at me with adoration in your eyes. Now all that's left is ice cold disdain._

_I don't blame you. _

_I don't hate you. _

_All I ask is that you give me this chance – please, be the better person._

_Don't abandon me as I abandoned you._

_I miss you._

_I wish I never left._

_I should have endured a hundred summers of torturous days and sleepless nights – just to see you smile at me again._

_I hope you write back. I'm not expecting you to, and I completely understand if you burn this without even reading what I've written._

_But I'll love you anyway._

_Your Brother,_

_For Always, _

_Sirius Orion Black_

The parchment is gripped tightly in shaking hands.

The black characters, as flowing as a music manuscript, are blurred and spotted, their proclamation of apology disrupted and smeared by teardrops that glitter in the candlelight.

The moonlight streams in through the iron framed window, casting the richly furnished room in a silvery glow.

Grey eyes close, as though in pain, and black hair swings forwards, shining like water on a ravens back, guarding his soul from the world.

A sudden rush of activity, and the door swings shut, and the room is left empty and silent, but for the echo of a stifled sob, and the piece of crumpled parchment drifting slowly to the ground, slowly curling in on itself as though in shame.

The burning embers glow softly, until all that's left of his love is a smear of ash, glinting like spilt ink and despair on the carpet.

An owl hoots softly nearby, and the moon sets, the sun rises, and time moves on, leaving that night far behind in the haze of memory.


	2. Replies at MoonRise

Disclaimer: Characters owned by J K Rowling

**Disclaimer: **Characters owned by J K Rowling

**Spilt Ink and Parchment Hearts**

**The Reply at Moon-rise**

The moon is rising, bathing the room in cold silver light, grey shadows dancing over the papered walls, bleaching mahogany furniture pale as ghosts.

There is a fire burning in the grate, bright, white hot light flickering across his face, glinting thickly off the gold pen in his hand.

His tears have become rivers of shimmering gold, his eyes sparkling pools of grey topaz.

He draws in a shaking breath, and the pen races on, leaving trials of black, blurry with pain and fear, staining the pure white page.

_Sirius, _

_It has been three years, brother, since you wrote to me. I doubt you expected to receive a reply, but then again, Sirius, I never was quite who you thought._

_You thought that I was a Black._

_You thought I was naive, that I was innocent in all of this._

_You thought I betrayed you, just like them._

_You thought wrong._

_I never thought I would explain all this to you, brother, but circumstance calls for it, I feel._

_The first correction to your opinion of me that I would like to make: Yes, I am a Death Eater, but it was my choice. I was not bullied, misinformed, or cowardly. I did not obey our parents blindly, nor did they force this mark upon my soul. I can picture your expression, Sirius. _

_Be patient._

_Answers will come._

_You see, I knew there was no escape from it, not really. The Order of the Phoenix would never have accepted me had they known my name. A Black. I know, it never stopped you. But I always was a Slytherin, Sirius. I am not unconditionally brave, or loving. I am certainly not all emotions and testosterone like you and James seemed to be. I am cunning and invisible – it's just the way I am._

_So, I used my Slytherin initiative, and got that ugly brand burnt onto my flesh. And d'you want to know something, Sirius? It was the best damn decision I ever made. _

_With that little mark I was __**safe**__. Sure, I had the Cruciatus cast on me more times than I can count, but I was a __**Black**__. A favourite. That name afforded me security. And, to be honest, with the Ministry it guaranteed me nothing but mistrust. They expected me to be Dark anyway, so what's the harm in living up to their expectations?_

_Than again, I don't suppose I even got that part completely right. I never killed anyone, Sirius. Never. I couldn't, I just… Couldn't. I think the Dark Lord knew this, but just branded me a coward. It's an easy mistake to make, I suppose. I don't think he ever knew the truth, I don't think he even suspected it… The truth, Sirius. The truth is; I didn't want to kill the __mudbloods,__ Muggle Borns, because I don't think they deserve to die because of who they are. I don't believe in Wizard purity, or seizing control of the Ministry, or any of the other thousand and one evil things He has planned for this world._

_Do you want to know what I believe in, Sirius?_

_I believe in you._

_My big brother, I trust you. With my life, with my heart, with everything. _

_And you did not disappoint. _

_Sure, you left our home, but you never left __**me, **__not really. I like to think you carried me with you, next to your heart. I know I kept you close to mine. _

_Every choice I made, Sirius, I made for you. I saw what you were doing, with that Order of yours. Trying to save the world, from people like me. So I thought I'd help. Give you the keys to the treasure chest, so to speak. Did you never wonder how you got all the information you did? Or how Voldemort's plans were thwarted again and again, from inside out? _

_I am a spy, Sirius. _

_I would never, __**never**__, have betrayed you, and it goddamn near broke my heart that you thought so low of me. _

_Mind you, had I been in your shoes, I am sure I would have done the same._

_Still. There it is, brother._

_I did my best, I tried my very best to help. I hope it was enough. I hope you think better of me, Sirius. I hope you are proud of me. _

_I know I'm proud of you. _

_I am so, so proud to call you brother. Oh, Sirius, I am so blessed to have you as my brother!_

_You were correct in saying you made me who I am. But I'd never wanted to be anyone else._

_I wish I could see you read this. _

_I wish I could be there, to see the look in your eyes as you forgive me, as I know you will. _

_I wish you could hold me close and protect me from the world, as I know you'd give your soul to do._

_But I won't see you again, Sirius, and it breaks my heart to say it, but that's the way things have to be. _

_I'm dying, brother. Or I will be, if this mission succeeds. I'll die if it fails too, but it has to be done. I have to try. You'll thank me for it one day, I promise you that. _

_I must be going now. Thank you, Sirius, for being my brother. For loving me, for everything. _

_I shan't miss this world, but brother, I will miss you. So, so much._

_I love you, Sirius._

_I always have._

_Your Younger Brother, _

_Reggie._

_P.S. Stop crying, useless Gryffindor! I'll see you again, you know. I'll be waiting for you, at the end of it all._

_Farewell._

But he can't stop crying. The tears just won't stop, splashing down his face in rivers of moonlight, as he turns his face to the sky, and howls. He can feel comforting hands on his shoulders, but he shrugs them away. Regulus didn't have anyone at the end, he died alone. So why did Sirius deserve to have people around him, loving him, comforting him, piecing together his lost and lonely, broken heart? He blinks once more as his eyes settle on the star he loves the best. "Regulus… Heart of the Lion…" He draws in a shuddering breath as his very soul thrums with agony. "My brother, I am so proud of you. So, so proud. I wish I could have told you, I wish I could have… I will miss you, Reggie." He blinks furiously, looking at them shining there together. Smiling crookedly, his heart shattered into a thousand pieces of tears stained starlight. "I'll see you again, Regulus. I'll see you again, at the end of it all, I promise. Oh, my brother, I can promise you that." He turns away, the letter folded under his robes, next to his heart.

And there they are, at the end of it all, shining brightly together, and a comfort to so many. Regulus and Sirius, guardians of the skies! Remus smiles, his heart giving a pang of sorrow and longing. He will miss Sirius, with his whole heart, but his Sirius will not miss him, because Sirius, his darling Sirius, has at long last, gone home.

**Authors Note: **I hope you liked this little two-shot about my favourite pair of brothers, The Blacks.

Anyway, if you liked it, maybe try some of my other fan-fiction, or even review and make my day!


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